Huzaima Bukhari
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”—John Wooden
There are times when people wonder what they mean for others? What kind of impression they make on others? What others think about them? Do they come up to others’ expectations? How can they elevate themselves in others’ eyes? Why certain people do not have a good impression about them? These and such related questions often perturb our thinking process. Some even become prone to mental illnesses on account of being rejected, misunderstood or just feeling unwanted, disliked or considering themselves not good enough. They may then require immediate medical attention otherwise things can become quite problematic for them and their loved ones.
In their eagerness to please others, they ignore nurturing their own talents which can become a source of frustration in later years. For example, children feel compelled to follow in the footsteps of their parents’ professions or to fulfil their wishes to adopt one even though they may have entirely different aptitude or approach to life. There are many instances where young ones are obliged to appear and behave with someone, they find repulsive only to please their elders. This means that they are forced into hypocrisy that too can have detrimental effects on their character.
Judging oneself from another’s perspective is the biggest disservice one can do to one’s own person. Rather than coming up to other people’s standards, one should try to delve within and capture hidden talents that may transform one’s personality completely. Paying more attention to developing and nurturing the plus points that one has are vital to one’s growth and ultimate prosperity. However, this can only be possible when one is able to discover one’s true worth.
A good upbringing and correct infusion of values in children can ensure a healthier and more vibrant generation that can achieve wonders. Rather than laying out a path for human beings, a better approach would be to inculcate a thought process by which they are able to carve out the way for themselves.
In our enthusiasm to lead, we sometimes forget that our lives are not eternal here in this world. Separation is imminent. The best gift one can give to our legatees is not in the form of wealth but in developing their minds to think for themselves. Not to judge themselves from other people’s eyes but from their own intuition.
A rosy picture of life is not because of the luxuries one can enjoy but depends upon the choices we make. These choices define one’s image more than one’s circumstances ever will. Opportunities keep knocking but destiny always seems to be suffering the blame game because we are unable to distinguish between choices and what fate holds in store for us. In search of living a pleasurable life we fail to sense that happiness is not a destination but is a journey—pathway to achieve positivity. Being happy and content are secret tools for being successful and happy.
On various occasions there is hesitation to do something very innocent like singing a song or dancing on a tune, under the fear of what people might say. Here is where the risk factor comes in, but the greatest risk is, not taking a risk. By not availing opportunities that come along means that each time one is preventing the chance of being creative or productive. In retrospect one repents on missing all the chances that were being offered but those who are quick to climb on an approaching bus reach their destination long before those who are waiting for a Rolls Royace to come along.
A sinister way of thinking is to keep others dependent as this is the only way to harness their lives. Claim of love becomes a farce when one is unable to keep a hold over the other or when the other refuses to be led or befooled. For example, a dictatorial parent for whom only dutiful children are fit to be loved but when they want to exercise their choice, they are abandoned, or ties are severed. The more confident and independent ones become more intimidating to those who lack self-esteem. So, to be less vulnerable to rising or falling image, focus should be on developing one’s strengths.
Another most appalling attitude that distinguishes people is their ability to communicate verbally whereby they send messages of kindness and care, and what they do in reality. In fact, if their actions speak otherwise their image too becomes foggy, as in the case of politicians who appear most eloquent and compassionate but when it comes to delivering, they fail utterly. Therefore, if the desire is to improve one’s worth, then the boundaries of spoken words and practice should be trodden very carefully.
Those who are habitual narrators of their sob story should realize that nobody really cares how difficult their life is because everyone is the author of his/her own life story. The only trouble is our inability to understand this important phenomenon. We think that we have no say in our lives and anything bad that happens to us is on account of others. For instance, an abusive relationship can be ended but we have seen that many times both men and women continue to endure torture for reasons “beyond their control.”. Grumbling about lack of money when one is a spendthrift requires just a reset of one’s habits but only when one has the sense to identify this characteristic.
In the end, intentions are important too. The desire to raise one’s image in one’s own eyes is not being selfish but requires some deep thoughtfulness and investment in oneself. Just by holding noble aims magic cannot be created nor can anyone be glorified. One needs sense, sensibility, thorough insight, adequate knowledge together with practicality to materialize the abstract concept of intentions, specifically the good ones, to leave an indelible mark.
_______________________________________________________________________The writer, lawyer and author, is an Adjunct Faculty at Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS), member Advisory Board and Senior Visiting Fellow of Pakistan Institute of Development Economics (PIDE)