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Complicated social interactions

Huzaima Bukhari

“Life is a catwalk and brings us into the limelight of human and social interaction. It teaches us to watch sympathetically, listen responsively, and feel united with the world around us”Eric Pevernagie

Since the time of birth, humans are compelled to interact with each other, whether they like it or not. A mother’s nonchalant attitude towards her new-born offspring can jeopardize their lives. No matter how misanthropic people’s outlook may be, it would be impossible to live, isolated from mankind. Being a social animal, choices are limited where one can confine oneself in a cell yet continue to survive without external support. Even Uncle Scrooge of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens had to eventually surrender his scoffing self to return to humanity. Without the circle of family, friends and co-workers, men and women can end up entangled in their despondency leading to both mental and physical ailments.

In a nutshell, social interaction, with all its complexities and problems, is indispensable for human beings.

Naturally, where two or more people come into contact there will be exchange of words. Words have meanings that can be interpreted in different ways according to expressions, emotions, attitude, body language and thought process of all concerned. There are a variety of other factors that can affect the speech and comprehension of people within a group causing happiness, hurt, anger, misunderstanding, offence, suspicion and such other feelings that can get aroused to either deepen or break associations. Depending on a person’s character, the uttered words may have many shades of interpretation. Thus sincerity, sympathy, taunt, innuendo, sarcasm, arrogance, pride, racism, ethnic biases, etc. become reflective in one’s style of speaking. Unquestionably, conversation is a crucial territory that needs to be tread upon with much care lest it causes fissures in relationships tearing people apart from one another rather than gluing them together.

On the same parameter, there is a certain technique “micro-aggression” that we consciously and sometimes, quite innocently, employ in our daily communication with others that is explicitly offensive though concealed in words that may not seem unpleasant. This is in the form of a comment or action that subtly expresses a biased mind-set toward a member of a marginalized group, like a racial minority, a specific social stratum, the transgender community, etc. An example of racial micro-aggression would be a digital photo project run by a Fordham University student featuring minority students holding up placards with comments like “You’re really pretty for a dark-skinned girl”.

Emily Skop a researcher at the University of Colorado argues that micro-aggression lies in its invisibility to the perpetrators, who typically find it difficult to believe that they possess prejudicial attitudes. One can say with confidence that the sub-conscious mind contains biases and assumptions which, at different periods of time and circumstances, reflect in our statements and comments. From children to adults, anyone is capable of using words and phrases that clearly smell of micro-aggression.

While this may be something of an everyday type of happening for the offender, micro-aggression can have detrimental effect on the victims’ physical and mental health. According to a research conducted by Ella F. Washington those who are more vulnerable to the adverse impact are career persons who, during the course of their employment may suffer from depression, prolonged stress and trauma, headaches, high blood pressure and insomnia. According to her research, micro-aggressions are aimed at traditionally marginalized-identity groups although anyone belonging to any background or profession could be vulnerable. So in terms of racial bias, she provides an excellent example where a Black woman is being addressed as: “You aren’t like the other Black people I know,” (indicating the person is different from the stereotypes of Black people), whereas one for a white male might be, “Oh, you don’t ever have to worry about fitting in” (indicating that all white men are always comfortable and accepted). These types give the idea that because someone is X, he/she probably is/is not or like/not like Y.

In our society too, there is an even higher tendency to engage in micro-aggression at all levels, From homes to educational institutions and throughout our lives we are either subjected to or subject others to micro-aggression. Intelligent children coming from humble backgrounds but getting into a school of repute would always have their class-fellows sneering at them for the minutest of mistakes or slips. One can disregard the children’s behavior but what about the teachers, who may rub the fact in that so and so must be appreciated despite the fact that they live in slums or villages. Being constantly reminded of one’s adversities does not always have positive influence. Many crimes are committed by the emotionally weak who may not have the strength to bear continuous onslaught of deliberate or inadvertent sarcastic comments.

Another area where micro-aggression can be whole-heartedly witnessed is where girls, seemingly from a specific background get married in a different family set-up. A good example would be that of a city girl marrying a villager. She may try to fit in the new environment making best efforts to please everyone but could be exposed to taunts about her urban life-style. Similarly, a village damsel marrying a city dweller could be made a laughing stock for her rural up-bringing.

This rural-urban bias is observed on many social fronts in offices, on the roads and institutions.

Just as the English language contains words and phrases laced with micro-aggression, so does our local vernacular. Thus where a “black list” means negative and “white list” means positive, words such as “paindu” (uncultured), “musalli” (convert of low social status), “kammi” (artisans) are reflective of our prejudices. Then there are certain places that have been branded as having peculiar characteristics, say some countries of the Third World where people are not as advanced. Intellectuals or high academic achievers are looked upon with surprise and commented upon in the terms: “You don’t seem to be from such and such place,” or “You are too sophisticated to belong to that country”.

One might argue that there is no point in being sensitive about such casual remarks or making it an issue. Ignoring them would be a better way to show a no-care attitude but scholars are scholars. They are concerned about human development therefore they dig into the obscure realms of knowledge to unearth spots that cause pain to humans. Whether we accept or not, the fact is that micro-aggression does affect both physical and mental states of the people. It definitely can push their creativity curve downwards. Therefore, this awareness is necessary to tone down arrogance of the ‘perpetrators’ and blend the ‘victims’ in a culturally, ethnically, linguistically diverse world to make it a better place for all.


The writer, lawyer and author, is an Adjunct Faculty at Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS), member Advisory Board and Senior Visiting Fellow of Pakistan Institute of Development Economics (PIDE)

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